My goal in this chapter is to explain what might have contributed to shaping your brain’s pathways and give you strategies to repair the broken pathway between the automatic systems in your brain and the logical, thinking part that helps you respond appropriately to drama, stress and disrespect others exhibit. I want to give you coping skills that make the ‘jump’ from involuntary reactions to intentional actions that are shorter in duration and less intense.
The human brain is so much more complex than a computer because we can pull from the past while living in the present and it affects our future. That is why being content and settled is so hard, we can’t put aside those bad experiences in the past. They affect our thinking, our actions and reactions.
Adoption is one of those circumstances that can lead to so many feelings and questions. Many times, even the answers and facts can’t satisfy because they cannot erase the previous feelings and long held beliefs. Logic from our neocortex does not help override the emotions we have created.
I have a very wise friend who deals with several mental illnesses who said, “Prepare your mind in the stable times for the unstable moments. Fill your mind with good things like scripture, music with positive messages, books that encourage and TV shows with wholesome messages. What you put into your mind,” she says, “will come to the forefront in times of panic and mania.” She practices surrounding herself with good people she trusts that understand how to help, encourage and support. She is open and honest with those people. She spends time with them volunteering, eating, shopping and worshiping together.
Reimagine your adoption by saying this below. Write it. Post it on a sticky you can see easily. Take it to heart. If you have learned emotions from your previous experiences, whatever they are, you can also avert them, recreate them and refocus on different ones, too. Try it 30 days!!
Adoption is a fact in my life. Adoption is not a guide. Adoption is not an obstacle. Adoption only has the power I give it.