3 Ways to Curb Overwhelm

To be overwhelmed is to have to many things to deal with all at the same time. Women are said to be good at multitasking, but honestly it makes our brain and body tired. Our brains are like a network of wires all connected to one another and they all affect each other. We can simultaneously think about what to wear, tomorrows dinner, clothes to put in the dryer (OH! just a moment. I’ll be right back.), our kids lunch, the volleyball game, our husband’s clothes at the cleaners and 5 other things.

Here are some strategies to help you cope with Overwhelm… only if you apply them and intentionally put them in your schedule.

1. Live in the moment. Turn your brain off! Focus on just the task you are doing. Take your brain out of overdrive and intentionally live in the slow lane. You can only drive in one lane at a time. I’ve been in taxi caps in New York. When they wanted to get in the other lane, they would just drive in both so no one would swerve around them and cut them off. AND, they got honked at all the time. Driving in two lanes makes people upset around you and takes more energy than if you just stay focused in one. Don’t let your mind run away from you. Take every thought captive, 2 Corinthians 10:5. Live in the moment, not in the moment that will happen in 30 minutes or two hours from the moment. Doesn’t everyone deserve your undivided attention?

Take every thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5

2. Look back. Looking forward, as stated in #1, causes an almost panic attack thinking about all the things you have to get done in the next few minutes, hours or days. Right now, I have to get clothes to cleaners, pay bills, buy stamps to mail bills (yes, I still use snail mail), grade homework for my Life Coach students, make an appointment for my daughter, send back my diamond anniversary band because it broke after six days, go to grocery store, make a list for grocery store………WAIT! I’m panicked now! I’m doing the exact opposite of my own advice. Let me try again. Yesterday, I gave two presentations to the high school about the local benevolence center where I work. I finished the end of the month report. I put gas in my jeep. I picked up my son from school on time. I made dinner. I located all the bills and put them on the table. I got an excellent latte after my speeches made with pecan roasted coffee beans. I made cinnamon scones because they were on a Hallmark movie I finally finished. See, this list is making me feel accomplished already. Looking back helps me say, “I can get so many things done! I did it yesterday and I can do it today!” When I look back at my accomplishments instead of panicking about all the things I have to do, I calm my mind and my body follows.

3. Walk in slow motion. Load the dish washer in slow motion. Talk to your kids in slow motion (they will love that). Have you ever tried this? It’s hard, but so soothing. It resets your body rhythm like downshifting a standard. Focus on your soul’s health and slow down or burnout is sure to follow. Seriously try this and please let me know how it makes you feel.

I really can’t fix how many responsibilities I have. I mean, I can’t not fix dinner or not put gas in the car or not do laundry. But, if I focus on my tasks in a different way, I can acquire some coping skills that put a smile on my face and some peace into my life.

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7 Characteristics of a Mature Woman

The only place women can speak from is their own experience. Impeaching other women's viewpoints based on the one you have acquired (whether in person or on social media) is harmful. Maturing into a woman who can see value in different beliefs, attitudes and morals is a rare characteristic these days and difficult to develop from what I've experienced.

All women experience social, financial, emotional, spiritual and physical situations differently. These experiences come because of our good/bad choices and from good/bad choices of others that affect us. Convincing other women to support, change or reject issues because of what you experienced can be difficult. Experiences create emotional responses that tug at our hearts. When another woman does not have that experiences, her need to apply it to her life may not be important. That does not make her wrong and you right? It does not make her right and you wrong?

"One man's logic is another man's crazy," David Rossi (Criminal Minds)

How do you deal with other women who have different values based on their unique experiences? How do you interact with other women when you feel strongly that your position is best and beneficial based on your particular knowledge? Thousands of issues come to mind that are 'hot buttons' in conversation and social media such as vaccinations, homeschooling, church affiliation, politics, essential oils, co-sleeping, elderly parenting and the list goes on and on.

There are hundreds of issues that are not right or wrong, but are personal. Our goal as women should not be to compare or convince other women, but to support, listen, respect and learn. Implying that you are the standard every woman should be measured by causes division, comparison, arguments, belittling, hurt feelings, and relationships that cannot be mended.

The only place we can speak from is our personal experience.

These seven characteristics of a mature woman, wife and mother, when applied, can make your friendships deeper, your family peaceful and your soul tranquil. Even in the midst of restless trials, a mature spirit can find serenity.

1. Sympathize: "Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble," 1 Peter 3:8. Support and understanding for one another comes with knowledge. Knowledge come by getting information about other plight in life. You can support someone in their circumstances and not join them. Mature women can offer sympathy because they know even the prostitute, the murderer and the Atheist can have a place in the Kingdom.

2. Unconditional: "You have heard, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...," Matthew 5:43-44. Not being limited by other's actions, reactions, choices and words can open up a whole new area where you can be used by God. I work with felons. I work with teens sleeping with the houseparent's ex-husband. I work with the mentally ill. I work with homeless. Maturity is treating each like a Child of God when they don't act like it.

3. Comfort: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,...,who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God," 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. There is no situation off limits that we are to reject comfort if needed. A group of ladies go to strip clubs here on Friday nights to comfort the women in the sex industry. Their comfort gives some confidence to change. A mature woman can leave all judgement aside and give hope and strength.

4. Respect: "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves," Romans 12:10. The highest respect is to value others above yourself according to Philippians 2:3. Mature women can deny themselves to lift someone else up who is in need.

5. Learn: Jesus said, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners," Matthew 9:13. Mature women don't weigh their decisions bases on popular culture, societal norms or other moms. They use Truth and Truth always goes against what society deems as 'good'.

6. Teach: You are being watched. You teach whether you try or not. 1 Peter 3:1 basically says that we (women, moms, wives) can win over others without words just by the behaviors that flow out of us. Mature women teach and sometimes they use words.

7. Confidence: "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded," Hebrews 10:35. Even when we are persecuted and bullied and our possessions are stolen or destroyed, we have confidence and a lasting hope in eternity which is better than anything here on earth. Mature women don't allow others to deplete their confidence.

Life is less about trying to persuade other women to believe your beliefs, attitudes and morals and more about your actions, reactions and words towards those who don't agree with you.

Finding common ground, no matter the issue, is a sign of maturity. Allow the cross to bridge the gap between beliefs and compassion.

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Erin E. McEndree

Steeped In Purpose, LLC

Moms…Give Up!

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

There was a woman who thought that if she could get everything accomplished all at once, her life would be manageable because she could finally keep up with all her duties and responsibilities each day. She thought that if she could get all the laundry done, even the tub of socks matched, she could make it stay that way. She thought that if she could get the whole kitchen clean, even under the fridge and in the stove, she could make it stay that way. She thought that if she cleaned up the clutter, she could manage it daily like the FlyLady suggests (FlyLady.net). She also thought if she could make her husband, son and daughter get all of their stuff organized, she could make them keep it that way. This was her grand plan for dusting, vacuuming, toilets, meal planning, grocery shopping and pet messes… to make it stay that way.

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The Problem

What she didn’t realize is that for this plan to work, she could not work outside the home, she wold have to miss activities with her kids. She would have to neglect her husband, stay up late, wake up ridiculously early and have dictator-like rules. She would have to deny her children times in the mud, playing with chalk on the porch and making concoctions in the kitchen.

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Do you remember what Bob said in the Incredibles? “No matter how many times you save the world, it manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved!”

I…ahem…I mean, this woman has been know to say, “I wish it would just stay that way!” to her husband and two kids hoping she could get them on board with her fail-safe plan to keep clutter at bay and the home tidy and clean.

"I wish it would just stay that way!"

Truthfully, this woman is me and I know I’m not alone. What I came to realize, was my dream of maintaining a clean house, home cooked meals, and a well oiled family machine was really nagging my family into a rigorous and unattainable goal. They were walking on egg shells and trepid around me. It was leaving me in emotional, spiritual, relational and physical poverty because I was depleting myself of present blessings right in front of me. In trying to control all these aspects of my life, I came to serve already empty, thus, giving my leftovers instead of my best.

(Aside: These two men in their 60s just sat at the table next to me and one man said, “People think the grass is always greener on the other side.” Without knowing it, he confirmed the point to this article.)

Let’s make the grass green where we stand by giving up on the perfect ideal of what a woman and mom look like. Our lofty mom expectations probably comes from perfect FaceBook post, glam celebrity sightings and self-help authors who seem to all have it together. Comparing our life to all that is not all that.

I admit, every time I hear the Proverbs 31 Woman discussed, I ALWAYS say, “Well, she had servants. Give me several servants and maybe I could pull that off, too.”

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So how do we begin to keep the fuel in our tank, keep our sanity, have better relationships with our families and have peace? Give up! Yes, it sounds counter intuitive, but giving up is the best way to get what we desperately think a clean, well manicured lawn and perfect looking kids will accomplish.

Give up worldly control for God’s rest: When I gave up control, it freed me. I began not to care about the process as long as the goal was met. I allowed my kids to fold towels any way they wanted. They started doing their own laundry or they didn’t have clothes. They also had to help with many other duties before playing games or taking a break. I am free from that responsibility which teaches them responsibility. They also get to work along side my husband and I. Our whole family sat in the floor and has a sock party with the tub of socks. I’m free from overwhelm. Emotionally I feel better.

Give up worldly comparison to become like Christ: All this media is one big comparison trap. It is so difficult to live on our green grass and love the moment instead of wish it all away for something we perceive as better. Comparison causes anxiety. A friend asked if she should give goodie bags at her son’s birthday party. She said she didn’t want to, but every other mom does. Give it up mama! I carry around a quote in my bible: To live authentically means you don’t care what other parents do or think. Write down your family values as a team and develop confidence striving for your values not the values of your friends.

Give up expectations for the joy of surprises: Some people hate surprises. But, knowing all is also a type of control. It is micromanaging. It really stresses people out around you, too. Allow things to fall into place naturally. Allow your kids to make their own decisions and mistakes. Mistakes while young with small consequences are better than mistakes while older with big consequences. When I stopped micromanaging my son in 8th grade and his school work, I was free. I stopped looking in his backpack. I stopped telling him about every failing grade (I get an automated email for that). I stopped grumbling at his lack of effort. It freed me! I put the responsibility on him and gave up my expectation of great grades. Every kid doesn’t make As and my pressure was just making him feel worthless. Our whole family felt the pressure lift when I put the responsibility at his feet.

Give up worldly waste for eternal abundance: How many times do we choose a vacant, void and empty lifestyle instead of one of abundance overflowing with plenty? We choose FaceBook instead of the Word. We choose bitterness instead of grace. We choose worldly poverty instead of eternal riches such as forgiveness. We choose grudges instead of mercy. We choose to take the difficult path and wonder why things don’t work out. Giving up on what this world offers looks and feels so hard, but the benefits are amazing. Our purpose is to live counter to this world and that goes against all our desires, but it frees the soul.

Give up on these life-sucking strongholds to release you from spiritual, physical, relational and emotional poverty and bondage. You can learn to be free to serve in love, anticipate in hope and work for purpose.

Control, comparison, expectations and wastefulness keep you in a poverty lifestyle that depletes you of energy to be who God created you to be. The desire of your heart is under piles and piles of waste that acts like quick sand pulling you under a suffocating life.

My house may be a little messier, but I’m not going to ever say I wish I would have sacrificed family for memories.

Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I have truly applied this and strive to find the green grass I am standing on each day.