Erin E. McEndree
Peace, Hope & Healing for Woman in the Adoption Arena
Chapter One Summary: Goodness vs. Comparison Title: Hear Different Perspectives
It is important to hear different perspectives. Different perspectives are not wrong. They are just different. Showing grace towards other view points is a way to show goodness without comparing to show you have the best worst situation. Hearing someone else' perspective does not mean you also must agree with it. It does not mean you must incorporate their beliefs into your thoughts or actions. You don’t have to yield to their perspective to show decency towards them. Some perspectives may make your blood boil, but it is still 100% valid for the owner. Have you ever thought that your negative reaction to different perspectives is caused because you are subconsciously comparing their story to your own? Being able to show goodness to other perspectives without judgment and without trying to debate or change their perspective is a great sign of emotional maturity. Respecting without agreeing or comparing is possible. Being decent involves empathy and compassion in disagreement. Practicing empathy and compassion has to be intentional. Are you ready, to open up, to new perspectives about adoption issues without comparing or debating? Are you ready to learn to hear with no agenda for changing their perspective by comparing it to yours? Are you ready to try to hear from your heart and not from a place that compares?
If I asked 100 people to described adoption, I would get 100 different perspectives. There would be different details distinctly focused on a single theme.￼￼ none are wrong. Each is explaining the same word from their vantage point. Because of past experiences, personalities and upbringing, all will focus on different aspects and how it shaped them.
That which ties us together is only a blip at the beginning, after that, so many factors mold us, change our trajectory and make us pivot to all have different stories and feelings about the same topic. There is not one aspect, emotion or characteristic of adoption that 100% of those dealing with adoption issues have in common, except for the word ADOPTION.
Being able to hear other perspectives, views and feelings about their story and at the same time not inserting yourself into their story, is the best thing people with a adoption stories can do for one another. Being able to say, “I hear you,”, “I empathize with you,” is hard for many.
The tendency is to compare by telling how your story is worse. This chapter focuses on responding with goodness and decency while discouraging comparison.￼￼
Comparison is detrimental to being good and decent. When you are able to hear another perspective about Adoption, even if you don’t agree, both can be important, valid and useful.
How can your story be useful? Being able to use your story￼￼￼ to make you stronger is a mature emotional quality that many struggle with simply because they don’t try.
Having a comeback story where you have overcome many obstacles and help others do the same, is more useful than sitting in doubt, uselessness and undeveloped wisdom from your trials.￼
How can you use your story as a guide to show what is possible?